Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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