I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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