idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
