Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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