pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
