what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
