I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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