And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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