You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
