Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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