He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
