somebody snuck up and got me drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize