hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
