I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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