SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Someone stole a lamp last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
