That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize