Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
