I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
