I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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