I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
