plz talk dirty to me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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