Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
