Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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