does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
