your parents love me but you hate me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
