My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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