I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
