I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
