shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
