Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
