I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
