basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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