they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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