I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
