Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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