thus making me awesome and them whores
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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