Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
