I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
