Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
