one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
