I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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