May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
