Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
