The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
