..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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