five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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