"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
