Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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