I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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