I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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