That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
