You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
