Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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