At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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